The Lowdown 2.0

So it’s been a while and I’ve hit that quarter life crisis mark. In actual fact, I’m now closer to 26, but that’s a discussion for another time. Strangely, I feel like not much has changed in the last year but the reality is very different. I started playing hockey again after a 7 year siesta, I moved house and I’ve recently quit my full time job to set up my own business. Not to mention, I now have really short hair. So yes, a shit tonne has changed. But what hasn’t, is that I am still navigating the fuck ups and the wins of my twenties. So say hello to the last chapter of 25.

Key findings from the project so far include;

  • Always check how far away your gate is at a silent airport. No matter how much you love them, chicken nuggets are not worth missing a flight.

  • Puppies have superpowers that can make you cry.

In all seriousness, the biggest thing I’ve learnt is that no two minutes are the same and things can go from boring to weird, good to bad in a matter of moments. You’ve just got to ride the wave.

This morning alone I was enduring a rather boring drive to work when BAM! Verbal abuse from a guy in a van for him being in the wrong. I know what you’re thinking, that almost never happens (eye roll). He leaned out of his window and yelled, “Can you not see woman!” (Ding ding, eye roll round two). Unfortunately Hun, trying to use ‘woman’ as an insult says much more about your level of intelligence than my ability to follow the rules of the road… correctly. In fact, it highlights that my vagina contains twenty times more brain cells than you do. Anyway, I proceeded to roar which obviously infuriated him as he decided the only way to deal with the situation was to bang his fist on my car before driving off. Case. In. Point. Boring to very weird (and pretty hilarious) in a matter of seconds.

Other examples of riding the wave this year include;

Good: In bed at 8pm on a Friday night in February, watching an abduction documentary, scoffing the Christmas chocolates that I was meant to pass on to my boss, but instead accidentally on purpose intercepted for myself (no I’m not sorry and yes the milk chocolate with salted pretzel pieces was fucking divine).

Bad: Running out of all the milk chocolate with salted pretzel pieces by 8:01pm

Good: Weather improving so can crack out the running shorts to wear the gym.

Bad: Not considering that running shorts may not be viable in the covering of the vagina arena when doing mobility. Especially given that I was due a wax like three light-years ago *Que the Chewbacca noise*

Good: Exercising regularly and trying new things like Olypmic lifting.

Bad: Power-cleaning straight into my underboob and praying no one saw. Pressing the bar overhead straight into my chin and praying no one saw. Bringing the bar down from overhead straight onto my nose…and praying no one saw.

The point is, if you don’t fail you’ll never learn. It is not possible to consistently excel in your career, maintain a banging social life, drink enough water, workout all the time, text everyone back, stay sane and be happy. So for now, I’m going to keep crying at puppies, eating chicken nuggets and power-cleaning into my underboob.